Indoda iliva nini ixabiso lesithandwa sayo?
Amadoda anokuziva ixabiso lentanda yabo kwiimeko ezininzi kunye neemeko.
Ekuqaleni, indoda isenokungabonakalisi iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu kunye neentlungu xa ilahlekelwa yintanda yakhe, kuba ikhetha ukubonisa ukuzikhukhumeza phambi kwakhe naphambi kwabanye.
Kodwa xa ukwahlukana kwenzeka, yonke into iyatshintsha.
Indoda iziva izisola ngokunzulu kwaye imdinga umntu ebimthanda.
Indoda iqala ukukhumbula onke amaxesha okubadibanisa kwaye iphosa ixesha layo kunye naye.
Kwakhona uziva elangazelela yaye elangazelela ukuva ilizwi lesithandwa sakhe aze abuyisele umanyano olwalubamanyanisa.
Ukongezelela, indoda iziva ixhalabile, ixinezelekile, yaye iphazamisekile xa iyibona emva kokwahlukana.
Akanakuqheleka kwaphela, kodwa uyamlandela rhoqo kwaye alandele iintshukumo zakhe.
Ukuba indoda inovelwano ngomfazi wayo ngokusuka entliziyweni, inentlonelo noxabiso ngaye, yaye imbona njengoyena mntu ubalaseleyo ebomini bayo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba iya kutyhubela kwimeko enzima xa ethe yanyamalala kwimihla yayo.
Ixabiso lentandane yendoda liyanda xa ithatha isigqibo sokutshata omnye umfazi kwaye ifumene umahluko omkhulu phakathi kwayo nalowo wayemthanda ngaphambili.
Kule meko, indoda ivakalelwa kukuba ilahlekelwe yinto enkulu ezisola ngayo.
Emva kokuhlukana, le ndoda iqala ukukhumbula iinkumbulo zayo kunye nesithandwa sayo kwaye ikhumbula onke amaxesha amnandi awahlanganisela ndawonye.
Uya kwandula ke azive ezisola ngokuchitha ithuba elixabisekileyo ebelisesandleni sakhe.
Xa indoda izibona ingena endaweni yayo okanye ithathelwe indawo, iya kuqonda ukuba kukho amanye amadoda agqalwa njengaye ebhetele kunaye emehlweni esithandwa sakhe, yaye oku kumenza azive ephantsi.
| Imihla | iimvakalelo |
|---|---|
| Ngaphambi kokwahlukana | Imvakalelo yokungabi nanto, ixabiso, intlonipho kunye nothando |
| emva kokwahlukana | Ukulangazelela, ukuzisola, kunye nokungxama ukubuyisela ubudlelwane |
| Xa isithandwa sinyamalala | Ixhala, uxinzelelo kunye nokuphazamiseka |
| Xa ubona intombi entsha | Ukuziva ulahlekelwe yinto enkulu kwaye uyazisola |
| Xa kutshintshwa | Ukuziva uphantsi kwaye ungaxatyiswa |
Xa indoda izisole ngokwahlukana nesithandwa sayo?
Xa indoda ishiya intombazana ethandana nayo, iimvakalelo eziphikisanayo zinokuvela kuyo, zibangele intlungu kunye nokuzisola.
Ukwahlukana kunokuba ngumphumo wokungcatsha okanye iingxabano zangaphakathi, okanye mhlawumbi ngenxa yeengcinezelo zobomi okanye umahluko kwiinjongo kunye namabhongo.
Ngokuhamba kwexesha, indoda isenokuzifumana ikhathazwa yimpembelelo yokwahlukana ngokweemvakalelo nangokwengqondo.
Esinye sezizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuba indoda izisole ngokuhlukana nentombi yayo kukuba ifumene ukubaluleka kweqabane layo ebomini bayo.
Indoda inokuba yayikwimeko embi ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasengqondweni xa igqiba kwelokuba iqhawule, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha inethuba lokuvavanya indima edlalwe sisithandwa sakhe ekukhuliseni ukuziphatha kwakhe nasekumxhaseni kwiimeko ezinzima.
Xa umntu efumanisa ixabiso lokwenene leqabane lakhe langaphambili, usenokuzisola ngethuba eliphulukene nalo.
Indoda inokuzisola ngokuhlukana nesithandwa sayo xa ivakalelwa kukuba ayiphumelelanga ukugcina nokulungisa ubudlelwane.
Usenokuba wayenokuqonda okuphosakeleyo ngemicelimngeni enokujamelana nayo kulwalamano, okanye usenokuba akakwazanga ukujongana nobunzima beemvakalelo obubangelwa kulwalamano.
Xa indoda ikwazi ukuxabisa imigudu eyenziwe yintombi yayo yokulungisa izinto, isenokuzisola ngokunganikeli ubuhlobo ithuba elikhulu lokusinda.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, indoda iyazisola ngokuqhawula isithandwa sayo xa iqonda ukuba isigqibo esenzileyo sasisekelwe kwiimvakalelo zokwexeshana okanye ingqumbo yomzuzwana, kunokuba ibe noxabiso lokwenene nokubaluleka kolwalamano.
Usenokuzisola ngenxa yokulahlekelwa ngumntu okhethekileyo ebomini bakhe kunye nempembelelo eya kuba nayo kwikamva lakhe leemvakalelo.
Ivakalelwa njani indoda xa intombi yayo isala?
Xa indoda ijamelene nokulahlwa yintombi yayo, isenokuziva ixutywe iimvakalelo ezingakhiyo nonxunguphalo.
Intombi yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ebomini bendoda, kwaye ukwaliwa kunokubangela ukothuka okunamandla ngokweemvakalelo.
Indoda isenokuziva ibuhlungu yaye ibe buhlungu ngenxa yokulahlwa kwesithandwa sayo.
Usenokuba ulindele okuninzi nethemba kwindlela asabela ngayo kwiimvakalelo zakhe, yaye xa esala, uba nomothuko obangela ukuba abe lusizi.
Ukongezelela, indoda isenokuziva idimazekile yaye inomsindo.
Usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ufuna ukunikela ngayo yonke into anayo kwisithandwa sakhe, kodwa loo migudu ayizange yanele ukusanelisa.
Usenokuziva enomsindo ngakuye, ngakuye, kwisithandwa sakhe, okanye nakubomi nje ngokubanzi.
Ngaphezu koko, indoda isenokuziva ingafunwa yaye ilahlekile.
Ukuchaswa kusenokumenza avakalelwe kukuba akathandwa okanye akamkelwa ngumntu amthandayo yaye akugqale njengenxalenye yobomi bakhe.
Usenokuziva elahlekile yaye ethandabuza ngenxa yale mvakalelo inzulu yokulahlwa.
Kutheni indoda ilangazelela isithandwa sayo?
Kuyaziwa ukuba amadoda adla ngokuthathwa ngokuba makhulu kwaye omelele ngokwasemzimbeni kunabasetyhini, kodwa eli cala ligobileyo libonakala lithobekile kwaye lithambile.
Abaphengululi kunye neengcali ezininzi zibonakala zivuma ukuba oku kuhlukana kusenokwenzeka ukuba kubangelwa kukuqhawuka kwamadoda kwiimvakalelo zawo zothando kwixesha elidlulileyo.
Uhlolisiso oluliqela lubonisa ukuba isithethe nendlela umntu akhuliswe ngayo isenokuba nendima ebalulekileyo ekubumbeni iminqweno yendoda.
Kwiindawo ezininzi, amadoda afundiswa ukuba abonise ukomelela neqhayiya lobudoda nokungakhathali kwiimvakalelo.
Nangona kunjalo, kwanawona madoda aqeqeshiweyo afumana iimvakalelo kunye nostalgic ngamanye amaxesha.
Nangona ukungazihoyi iimvakalelo kunokubonakala ngathi lolona khetho lufanelekileyo kwamanye amadoda, iimvakalelo ziyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yoluntu.
Oku kubonakala kubuchule bendoda bokwakha ubudlelwane obunzulu kunye neqabane layo, apho inokuziva kwaye ivakalise iimvakalelo zayo ngokuphandle nangokunyaniseka.
Endodeni, ulangazelelo olukhulu ludlulela ngaphaya kokulula kwamagama kwaye lujike lube yimfuno engxamisekileyo yobukho beqabane lakhe.
Ke ngoko, amava e-nostalgia enzulu athetha kwindoda uhlobo lokuthembela kunye nokuxhomekeka kwiqabane lakhe kunye nemfuno engxamisekileyo yobukho bakhe ebomini bakhe.
Le mvakalelo inokuthathwa njengembonakaliso yothando olunzulu kunye nentlonipho kumlingane, njengoko indoda ilungele ukuxhasa ngokupheleleyo kunye nokunyamekela.
Ulangazelelo olunzulu lomthandi wendoda luphawu lobunzulu beemvakalelo kunye nonxibelelwano lokomoya phakathi kwamaqabane amabini, imvakalelo ebonisa unxibelelwano lokwenyani lokomoya kunye nonxibelelwano oluqinileyo.
Kuyimbonakaliso yamandla othando ngolwimi olukhethekileyo, apho indoda ibonisa yonke imilinganiselo yobukho beqabane lakhe ebomini bakhe.
Ngoko ke, amadoda akufuneki abe neentloni ukuvuma ukuba baziva benostalgic kumaqabane abo, njengoko oku kunegalelo kubunzulu bobudlelwane babo kwaye komeleza unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo.
Ukuvuma le mvakalelo inamandla kuya komeleza ukuthembela kwaye kuncede ukwakha ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo nobonwabileyo.
Ziziphi iimpawu zokulahlekelwa yindoda emva kokwahlukana?
- Uqhagamshelwano Olunzulu: Indoda ethandanayo inokuba nomnqweno onamandla wokunxibelelana ngokunzulu kunye nonxibelelwano nomntu eyahlukene naye.
Usenokuthumela imiyalezo okanye amtsalele umnxeba rhoqo, ngenjongo yokuba ahlale enxibelelana yaye azive esondelelene nokuba bakude. - Ukukhangela iinkumbulo: Kucingelwa ukuba indoda ephoswayo emva kokwahlukana iya kukubuyekeza ukungabikho kwayo ngokukhangela iinkumbulo ekwabelwana ngazo phakathi kwabo.
Usenokuphonononga iifoto, iileta okanye izinto ezindala ezimkhumbuza ngelo xesha, ngenjongo yokukhumbula loo mntu wayephulukene naye. - Usizi nokungakhululeki: Indoda isenokuziva ibuhlungu yaye ingakhululekanga ngenxa yokukhumbula umntu owayohlukanisa naye.
Usenokuba buhlungu gqitha xa ekhumbula ixesha ababelichithe kunye namaxesha okonwaba ababenawo. - Ukutshintsha kwindlela yokuziphatha: Abanye banokubona utshintsho kwindlela yokuziphatha kwendoda ethandweni.
Usenokuzinxwema ngakumbi aze abe kude kwizinto zokuzonwabisa ebekade ezithanda ngaphambili.
Oku kusenokuba ngumphumo wokufuna kwakhe ukucinga nzulu ngakumbi ngeemvakalelo zakhe nokunikela ingqalelo kumntu amkhumbulayo. - Umdla owandayo: Indoda esemathandweni isenokuba nomdla ngakumbi kwinkangeleko yayo yangaphandle ize izinyamekele.
Oku kusenokuba kungenxa yokuba enethemba lokubuyisela ingqalelo yomntu owahlukana naye aze ambuyisele ebomini bakhe.
Ngaba indoda iba nekhwele ngesithandwa sayo emva kokusahlukana?
Indoda iqala ukuba nomona ngentombi yakhe yangaphambili ukuba ifumana imeko entsha yeemvakalelo okanye iqala ubudlelwane obutsha.
Kubonakala ngathi le mvakalelo ithabatha ixesha elilinganiselweyo ngaphambi kokuba indoda iqalise ukwahlukana nayo ize izilahle ezi mvakalelo zingakhiyo.
Uphononongo luchaza oku kuziphatha ngezinto ezininzi zengqondo nezentlalo.
Umntu unokuba nomona ngenxa yemvakalelo yokulahlekelwa kunye nokungaphumeleli ukugcina ubudlelwane, kwaye oku kunokuthi kunxulumene nenkxalabo yokuba umthandi wakhe unokufumana iqabane elitsha, elingcono kunaye kwixesha elizayo.
Nangona le ndlela yokuziphatha inokuba mbi ngokubanzi, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba umona yinxalenye eqhelekileyo yeemvakalelo zomntu.
Ngoko ke, abantu ngabanye bamele bayiphathe ngokufanelekileyo baze bazame ukuyoyisa ngeengcinga ezakhayo baze baphinde bazithembe.
Uphononongo lukwabonisa ukuba indoda eyamkela ukuhlukana ngcono kwaye iphatha ikhwele ngendlela ephilileyo idla ngokuneliseka ngakumbi kubomi bayo kunye nobudlelwane bexesha elizayo.
Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ukwahlukana kunika abantu ithuba lokukhula kunye nokuphuhliswa komntu, kwaye oku kuqonda kunokuba yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokoyisa iimvakalelo ezingalunganga kunye nokudlulela kwinqanaba elitsha ebomini.
Wazi njani ukuba umntu uyazisola ngokukushiya?
- Ukuzama ukunxibelelana rhoqo: Ukuba umntu ophulukene naye uhlala ezama ukufikelela kuwe, kungakhathaliseki isizathu sokwahlukana, oku kunokuba ngumqondiso wokuba uziva ezisola.
Ukunxibelelana unokuba ngefowuni okanye kwimidiya yoluntu. - Iimpawu zokuzisola kunye nokugqabhuka: Ukuba umntu uqala ukubonisa ukuzisola ngokuphandle nangokucacileyo malunga nokulahlekelwa nguwe kunye neendlela zokuhlukana, oku kungabonisa ukuba uyazisola ngokulahlekelwa nguwe kwaye ubonisa umnqweno wokulungisa ubudlelwane obudlulileyo.
- Ukubonakaliswa komzimba: Olu phawu lunokuba nzima ukuluqaphela, kodwa lubalulekile.
Umntu unokubonisa iimpawu zokuxhalaba kunye nokuxinezeleka komzimba ukuba uyazisola ngokukushiya, njengokutshintsha kokubetha kwentliziyo okanye ukunyakaza kwamehlo okanye ukufuna rhoqo ukukujonga kwakhona. - Ukugcina amakhonkco adlulileyo: Umntu ozisolayo ngokuqhawula umtshato usenokukhe anxulumane nawe kwixesha elidluleyo, njengeefoto, iileta ezindala, okanye izipho ezinokumkhumbuza ngolwalamano lwangaphambili.
Oku kubonisa imvakalelo enzulu yokuzisola kunye nomnqweno wokubuyela kubudlelwane bangaphambili. - Utshintsho kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo: Ukuba uphawula utshintsho kwindlela umntu aziphatha ngayo emva kokwahlukana, njengokuba nembopheleleko engakumbi okanye ukucinga nzulu ngezigqibo zakhe, oku kusenokuba ngenxa yokuzisola ngokuphulukana nawe nomnqweno wokwenza izinto ezingalunganga.
Kutheni indoda igcina izipho zesithandwa sayo emva kokuqhawula umtshato?
- Iinkumbulo ezintle: Izipho zinokubamba iinkumbulo ezintle zobudlelwane ababenabo.
Indoda inokudibanisa isipho ngokwayo, nokuba iwashi okanye i-necklace, kunye neenkumbulo zexesha elimnandi kunye nomthandi wakhe wangaphambili.
Ngokugcina izipho, uyakwazi ukuqhubeka ekhumbula ezo nkumbulo zintle. - Ukuxabiseka ngokweemvakalelo: Indoda inokugcina izipho njengembonakaliso yoxabiso ezazinalo ebomini bayo.
Unokuziva kunzima ukulahla isipho esithile ngenxa yokuba luphawu lothando lwakhe kunye nothando lwangaphambili.
Ke, ukugcina esi sipho kumnceda agcine olo nxibelelwano lweemvakalelo kwaye abonise ukuhlonipha kwakhe inkumbulo yobudlelwane ababenabo. - Amabhongo ezinto eziphathekayo: Kusenokubakho amadoda athile agcina izipho ngenxa yexabiso lawo lezinto eziphathekayo.
Isipho sisenokuba nexabiso eliphezulu lemali okanye sifane nezinye izinto asenokufuna ukuzisebenzisa kwixesha elizayo.
Indoda isenokucinga ngokusithengisa eso sipho okanye isisebenzise ukuze iphucule imeko yayo yemali, yaye ukusigcina kwayo kuya kuyinika inzuzo eya kuyixhasa kamva.
Kwenza ntoni ukunyamalala emva kokwahlukana?
Kwimeko yokwahlukana ngequbuliso nangentlungu, abantu abakhumbulayo banokufumana imvakalelo engaqhelekanga neyimfihlelo eyaziwa ngokuba “kukunyamalala emva kokwahlukana.”
Le mvakalelo ibhekiselele kwiimvakalelo kunye nokucinga okuhamba kunye nokuphela kobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu ababini, nokuba kwakungokweemvakalelo okanye ubuhlobo obuqinileyo.
Nangona kunjalo, oku kunyamalala kujongwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo ngabantu ngabanye.
Ekuqaleni, umntu unokuva intlungu kunye nosizi olugqithiseleyo, njengoko ehamba kwinqanaba lokudakumba kunye nokudandatheka.
Usenokuziva enomsindo, edanile yaye enesithukuthezi, kodwa njengoko ixesha lihamba yaye inqanaba lokuqala lokothuka lidlula, umntu uqala ukujongana nenyaniso aze aqalise ukwakha ubomi bakhe kwakhona.
Kwimeko yokunyamalala emva kokuhlukana, unyango lunokwahluka ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye ngokusekelwe kwiimpawu zobuntu kunye namava obomi bangaphambili.
Abanye abantu basenokuzama ukuzibhokoxa emsebenzini okanye esikolweni njengendlela yokuphazamisa intlungu yeemvakalelo.
Basenokuzibekela usukelo olutsha baze basebenzele kubo ukuze bazive bephumelela yaye behambela phambili.
Kwelinye icala, bambi basenokubhenela ekubeni ikheswa, baluqhawule ulwalamano lwabo nabanye abantu, baze barhoxe ukusa kumlinganiselo othile.
Bazama ukujamelana nentlungu ebangelwa kukwahlukana ngokucinga nangokucamngca ngeengcinga zabo.
Bafuna ixesha lokucingisisa ngeemvakalelo zabo, bazame ukuqonda okwenzekileyo, baze bajamelane nentlungu yabo ngabanye.
Ngaphandle koku, abantu banokubhenela kwimisebenzi ebanceda ukuba bamelane kwaye baphile.
Basenokuba nenxaxheba kwizinto abazithandayo, njengemidlalo, ukufunda, okanye ukuzoba, ukuze banikel’ ingqalelo kwizinto ezakhayo nokuphucula iimvakalelo zabo.
Inkxaso yentlalontle inokuba luncedo ngexesha lokunyamalala emva kokuhlukana.
Abahlobo, usapho kunye nabathandekayo banokuba luhlobo lwenkxaso novelwano kumntu obandezelekileyo.
Banokumamela kwaye bamnike iingcebiso kunye nenkxaso yeemvakalelo ayidingayo kweli nqanaba linzima.
Ngaba indoda iyabuya emva kokwahlukana ixesha elide?
Kukho iimeko ezininzi ezibonisa ukuba indoda inokubuya emva kwexesha elide lokuhlukana.
Usenokuba wachanabeka kwiimeko ezinzima ezamnyanzela ukuba ahlukaniswe nabantu abathandayo aze anyanzelwe ukuba ahambe, njengokusebenza kwelinye ilizwe okanye ukwenza umsebenzi obalulekileyo kangangexesha elithile.
Kule meko, indoda inokusebenza ukubuyisela uthando kunye nobudlelwane kunye neqabane lakhe langaphambili emva kokuba ixesha elide liphelile.
Izinto ezichaphazela imbuyekezo emva kokuhlukana kwexesha elide kunokuba ziphindaphindwe.
Phakathi kwezi zinto, ukuthembana, umonde nokuqonda kunokudlala indima ephambili ekwakhiweni kwakhona kolwalamano.
Iqabane langaphambili lifanele liyazi ukuba indoda kwafuneka ihambe kwaye ukwahlukana akuzange kwenzeke ngenxa yezizathu zobuqu.
Kufuneka kubekho ukuzimisela ukuzithoba kwiinguqu ezinokuthi zenzeke kubudlelwane babo ngenxa yokwahlukana kwexesha elide.
Indoda kufuneka yenze imizamo emikhulu yokubuyisela ukuthembela kweqabane layo langaphambili kwaye iqinisekise ukuzibophelela kwayo ngokwenene kubudlelwane.
Inyaniso yokuba kukho ezinye iimeko ezinokuthi zithintele ukubuya emva kokuhlukana ixesha elide ayinakuhoywa.
Kusenokubakho utshintsho olukhulu kubomi bendoda neqabane layo langaphambili, njengokutshata omnye umntu okanye ukutshintsha imidla nosukelo.
Ezi zinto zisenokwenza ukuba imbuyekezo ingenzeki okanye ibe nzima kakhulu.
